Monthly Archives: January 2010

Burn Down the Houston Press

The Houston Press printed my crazy letter to the editor in response their bangability rankings.

http://www.houstonpress.com/2010-01-14/news/houston-s-craziets-headline/1

Check it out at the bottom of the page, it continues onto the second.

Burn Down Cardozo… with a Jetpack!

Yeshiva sent out a survey to students to try to judge the university’s carbon footprint.

freakin jetpacks

You see, the jetpack only has enough fuel for about 5 seconds, and the teleporter can potentially split me into a good and evil side or combine me with a fly, so I only use it to skip stairs.

Burn Down Overheard in New York

Hey! I submitted something to Overheard in New York several months ago, and they finally published it for some reason. Check it out.

Mother: I’m very angry with you.
Daughter in stroller: You don’t love me!
Mother: No, I can love you, but still be angry with you.
Daughter in stroller: That does not make sense.

This is just a small sampling of the hilarious things that I overhear in my everyday life, all of which are certainly worthy of being published on the internet. Which is why this blog exists.

Burn Down the Texas Technosphere

For those who may not know, dear friend Dan was featured in the Houston Press blog, Hairballs, as one of the top 10 most bangable men in the Texas Technosphere. I was not on the list. As anyone could expect, I wrote an angry letter to the editor about it:

Dear Houston Press,

I would like to disagree with your assessment that Daniel Derozier was one of the most bangable men in the Texas Technosphere. As a close personal friend I can tell you that his bangability levels are extremely suspect and severely below that of me, Evan. He may be a shiny little button, but his little shins leave much to be desired. Furthermore, the author’s response of “Yowza” to Dan’s picture hints that she let her personal preferences interfere with an objective bangability analysis. Perhaps her personal fetish for Otters skewed an attempted process, but there is no way to know until the author admits to her own failings, attractive as she may be herself. Now you may say that Dan is not an otter, but a human being. However, I’ve heard that excuse before — from talking otters, and that hasn’t stopped me from stealing their clams and not making rape jokes, even when its talking otters.

In conclusion, the Houston Press has left me less than impressed with its notions of bangability, Texas, and Technosphere. In the future, less technosphere, more race, gender, and technoscience. Let me recommend a book by Donna Haraway, titled “Primate Vision.” You will find it to be a confusing.

Signed,
Anonymous

PS: I am writing this while watching a show called System Update on my friend Andrew’s Playstation 3, which we’re playing at my house. Have you ever seen it? You should do a review of it.