Monthly Archives: April 2010

Burn Down 4/20

According to various studies that I won’t link to here, long-term marijuana use can have negative effects on short term memory, and long term memory, and also short term memory, too.

To help everyone cope with the inevitable side effects that come with celebrating 4/20 (aka Mark Shepard’s birthday), here are some ghosts from 4/20s past!

Also, wouldn’t that be a neat idea for a movie, “A 4/20 Carol” about a politician opposing a marijuana legalization bill, but then is visited by 3 ghosts: Ghost of 4/20 past, present and future. The film would go straight to DVD and would be aired regularly on late night Comedy Central.

Hey, its that 420, guy!

Or, you know, read it on the website: Roll up for the 420 magical mystery origins

I hit a few profs with the Tenure Truck

Ah memories of 4/20s past.


Brown is the color of poop. Is this sign racist?

I saved this picture but couldn’t remember if it had said boobs or poop. I thought it said boobs, and I was going to do a whole thing about how boobs are great, etc. But then an EDIT: about how boobs has two meanings and they probably meant the one where boob means idiot and not boobies, but I’ll believe what I want to believe, much like the teabaggers themselves.

But in the end, just “poop” is much funnier.

Burn Down Comics about Politicians, specifically James Baker

Apparently, Rice guy and Student Association Election loser Ruchir Shah makes comics about historical figures.

The Baker Institute is supposed to look like a Mosque. James Baker is a Muslim.

There is no Golden Age Obama, he’s clearly a Silver Age character
I don’t know what the plot to the James Baker comic is, but it has to involve the time he was abducted by Sentinals operated by a rogue political force within the Kremlin, but he escaped on board an SR-71 Blackbird, but the extreme heat and exposure to cosmic radiation imbued him to the Phoenix Force, and he had to destroy himself to both save the Earth from his massive power and heal the M’Kraan Crystal. However, it turns out that James Baker was actually a clone and the real James Baker secretly escaped from capture when he was rescued by Rice President Eric Rupp and his International Rescue Committee. In thanks for Rupp’s brave actions, Baker founded the Baker Institute for Public Policy and School for Youth Gifted at Resume Padding and gave Rupp the M’Kraan Crystal, which currently sits within a granite block in the Herring Hall courtyard.

Burn Down Dan Patrick

I like my new glasses more than my old glasses

Hey, it looks like everyone’s old friend State Senator Dan Patrick is being made a silly in the national media Wonkette for making a conservative spinoff of the Texas Republican Party.

Some Republican legislators in the sovereign nation of Texas have formed a new supergroup called the Independent Conservative Republicans of Texas, yee-haw, to help teabagger activists ruin things and also distance themselves from the radical feminist welfare moms who have taken over the regular Texas GOP. The ICRT just launched its new website, which is very brown (!) and has Founding Father pictures and Ronald Reagan junk all over it, what did you expect. There’s also stuff like “core principals” (hate homos/love fetuses/amen).

This all differs from the Texas GOP *how*? The founder of this exciting new organization, State Senator Dan Patrick of Houston, told the Star Telegram that Real Patriotic Conservatives need a place to go that doesn’t have what’s his name, the strip-club what-up guy, Michael Steele.

“I don’t want those folks to represent who we are,” Patrick said.

A fun-fact about Dan Patrick is that he once asked a doctor to neuter him live on the radio. For better teabagging, he did this.

Read more at Wonkette:

Pfsh, this is old news! I was making fun of Dan Patrick in the national media Rice Thresher before it was cool!

Patrick goes beyond the talk radio stereotype of the millionaire egocentric self-promoter who repeats the xenophobic talking points that allow white, middle-age males to think they are an oppressed minority.

I did it before it was cool

That column even got posted on by someone with a Right_at_RiceU handle, and I learned some very important things about me, Evan:

Montrose = gay

I’ve actually run into this Mintz loser at local political events where both sides are represented. He is everything you would expect from a Rice Undergrad who hangs out on Montrose regularly. Dan is on the opposite side of everything this loser sees as Utopia, thus this pathetic column that he probably wrote in November and had to wait for the Legislative Session to begin before he could publish it.

Wow, BUSHdude2000 was like a psychic or something. I did hang out on Montrose regularly. Admittedly, its really more of Lower Westheimer, but that doesn’t shout BUTTSEKS like Montrose does.

However, the real story is further in the comments:

“Craddick’s strong-arm tactics of forcing votes and shutting out any minority opinion have finally caught up with him. Now Republicans and Democrats alike are uniting to elect a Speaker who will give every member a full and equal voice.”

So, “Evan Mintz” thinks someone other than Tom Craddick is Speaker??

In his parallel-but-confused universe, perhaps…

This is funny, because I was right. Or basically, anyone who observed Texas Politics and then said what was probably going to happen was right. Craddick lost the speaker election, pushed out by Democrats and various Republicans, giving us Moderate-for-Texas Republican Speaker Joe Straus, whose name sounds Jewish.

And this is where the story loops around to the actual point at the beginning. The purpose of Patrick’s party isn’t to reject black people like RNC Chair Michael Steele, its to reject Jewish-sounding people like Speaker Straus.

Specifically, the points of the group are vague to the point of a nonsensical political dogwhistle:

-Stand for conservative principals and to put people before Party.

-Fiscally accountable, limit the size of government, and fight for free market principles.

-Protect our borders and to support a strong military.

-Protect life, support strong family values, and uphold the Judeo-Christian beliefs our nation was founded upon.

-Honor the Constitution and protect the sovereign rights of Texas.

The real story is in the membership. You see, the group is by invitation only, and they haven’t invited every Republican member of the Texas House and Senate. As Jason Embry, with the Austin American-Statesman points out:

With a handful of exceptions, the House members who joined Patrick’s group are not heavy-lifters under GOP Speaker Joe Straus. And most of the key lawmakers who helped elect Straus — Reps. Jim Pitts, Dan Branch, Burt Solomons, Charlie Geren, Jim Keffer, among others — aren’t on the list. Neither is Straus.

This isn’t an anti-Steele thing. This isn’t even a super-conservative thing. This is an anti-Straus thing. Its the He-Conservatives No Strauses club (we can have one). Membership only available by superawesome invitation, with conservative levels to be measured by Patrick’s own Conservameter.

It even seems like its going to go beyond Strauss. Patrick wants to cull his own party of signs of moderation. He isn’t going to limit this plan to merely Speakers elections, but to general elections as well:

“If you’re a Republican and you can’t stand for those five core principles and you’re not proud to stand for those core principles, then we’ve got a problem,” Patrick said

Patrick seems to want to run out moderate Republicans, or at least moderate for Texas, and replace them with the crazies he knows and loves. In his own words, he wants to “get that message out, to connect with Tea Party”. But Tea Party isn’t exactly going to go over well in the long run. As I wrapped up in that column a few years ago:

In the end, Patrick will probably end up learning a lesson in political enemy-making not from Republicans or Democrats, but from his own constituents. In only a few years, the rising Hispanic middle class may start to call Patrick’s suburban district their home. And I am sure they would rather tune their political radios to someone who did not make his career blaming Hispanic immigrants for the collapse of civilization.

And the Tea Party’s (semi?)-racist pushing and shoving will only make the unelection line go faster.