Please give me, Evan, a job

Today the Jurist released its last issue of my law school career. Or as I like to call the past three years: a mistake. But what’s done is done. I’ve made my bed, and now I have to weasel my way out of it. So rather than buckle down, get good grades, and do whatever it takes to get a job, I did what I do best: write a snarky column.

I’m pretty proud of this column, which I wrote instead of my back up plan: advocating for the American Psychiatric Association to rename narcissistic personality disorder as “Evan’s Disease” in the DSM-V.

Anyways, I suppose it is sort of a suicide note for law school, but in a good way. The tone and jokes slowly build to a climactic moment, and I hope that moment is obvious. Admittedly, the overall column style was directly inspired by an old Dylan Farmer sports  column in the Rice Thresher. And by “inspired,” I mean I stole the idea.

Here is my final column for the Cardozo Jurist, “Hey, Employer! Have You Heard About Evan Mintz? No? Read This Column” (pdf: Mintz Jurist hire me)

6 responses to “Please give me, Evan, a job

  1. I can’t believe you are already graduating from law school! Congratulations!

    And if I didn’t know you already, I’d hire you. 😉

    • Haha, that will be the quote of the next few months: “if I didn’t know you already, I’d hire you.”

    • If I didn’t know you already, I still wouldn’t hire you.

      But only because I don’t have a company that pays people things. I guess I could hire you to sit around my apartment and drink my beer and talk to my cats, but I can’t pay you enough to make rent. So you’d probably have to live on my couch.

      Actually, maybe i COULD hire you, now that I’ve thought it out.

  2. There’s always “document review,” which appears to be where an awful lot of law school grads these days are landing.

    You get to sort of use that law degree without all that pesky money… and power… and none of the worrying-about-clients thing…

    Congrats and good luck…

    • Doc review? More like doc re-poo! amirite?
      Thanks for the congrats. Hopefully I’ll find something, though it may involve working unpaid internships for a while.

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