New Houston Redistricting Map Ruins My Joke!

No!

No! No! No!

No, Houston! No, Mayor Parker! No!

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The new district, the district of the Heights, Montrose, Meyerland, and my family’s house was supposed to be the J District. This future Yuppistan, Uppermiddleton, or funny third thing, or whatever it was being called, was District J. The J District.

But now?

NO!

District C? What the hell is thatinterrobang

The whole bit, stolen from the Dirtfoot episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, is that Gay is pronounced with with a hard G, so it sounds like Jay. Or J. And the Montrose district would be the J district! Don’t you get it? For the next 10 years I could make this joke. But now you’ve ruined it.

Sure, the map relieves concerns from the Hispanic and Asian communities about proper representation.

Sure, it includes Meyerland in my district, bringing together most of my shared interests into one collective body.

Sure, the map seems to allow distinct groups with shared goals to elect councilpersons who would represent their interests, rather than some sort of 51-49% split, and compete against each other in City Hall, fulfilling the goals of Republicanism as explained in Federalist X.

But none of this is worth it if I can’t rip off some awful and usually misunderstood, half-assed gay joke for the next 10 years.

So change C back to J.

Also they didn’t fix the St. John’s thing, but who cares.

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2 responses to “New Houston Redistricting Map Ruins My Joke!

  1. Speaking of hard G’s… what’s up with District E (particularly that bottom portion)?

    The word “gerrymandering” comes to mind… but there MIGHT be some logical reason for that shape…

    • E is basically the hot dog district, in that it is made from whatever was leftover. It looks like the Ship Channel, plus Kingwood? So basically awful miniMcMansions, and the base materials from China from which they are constructed.

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