Almonds are the Money Mond

This is the first result if you Google image search for Mond

Which Mond is best Mond? It is a question that has haunted man for aeons. The traditional answer is that diamonds are the best mond. After all, they are hard and shiny and people pay lots of money for them. You would be in good company to say that diamonds are the best bond.

But you would be wrong!

Diamonds are not the Money mond!

Rather, there is another mond that is the greater mond. That mond is Almond. Almonds are superior to diamonds in all ways, thus the name Almond.

“But what about heists,” you may ask ignorantly. Why would people try to heist diamonds but not almonds if almonds are the superior mond.

Michael Caine never made a movie about stealing almonds.

Fools! Almonds are TOO the subject of heists. In 2006, more than a quarter of a million dollars worth of almonds were heisted in what was called the Oceans 11 of almond heists. To quote the NPR interviewer putting words into the mouth of an almond farmer:

SIEGEL: This could be the Ocean’s 11 of almonds.

Mr. PHIPPEN: Yeah, you might say that.


SIEGEL: Is there a possibility of an inside job here?



Inside job? Oceans 11? When is the last time you read something so grand about diamonds? Never! That is when! Plus, the almonds stolen weighed 88,000 pounds. When has anyone ever stolen 88,000 pounds of diamonds? Never! This is because almonds are better than diamonds.

In conclusion, Almonds are the Money Mond.


Bow before the almond, king of the monds


3 responses to “Almonds are the Money Mond

  1. I believe this is your best post to date.

  2. You just blew my mind.

    Truth is, the damn Germans screw up the Google results.

    As a pretentious intellectual-wannabe, I wish to type something appropriate about Modified Newtonian Dynamics, also known as “MOND” for some reason…

    In reality, I just wiki’d it…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s