Does Water Need Hydrotherapy?

On the way to the Houston Pride Parade this weekend, Dan and I passed by a storefront along San Felipe advertising its services in “Hydrotherapy.”

But why would water ever need therapy?

Sure, on its surface water may seem to have some tension. But what does it really have to do? Water has to be wet, it has to be polar. Then again, it has to be both adhesive and cohesive. Two different types of hesiveness! And sure, it has a meniscus. But it could always be meniscusier.

Plus, water may make up 71% of the earth’s surface, but barely anyone lives there. Everyone just has this hard-on for living on solid ground. Maybe water just wants a bit more attention, so who can blame it for having a salty disposition sometimes. And then when it is like that, no one wants to drink it. So, what? Water just has to be clean and perfect all the time? No wonder water always has a bit of a negative charge to it. So maybe some hydrotherapy isn’t such a bad idea.

And when you delve below the surface, all living things rely on water to survive. That is the sort of responsibility that can lead to some real complexes. And everyone knows that when you put water under pressure, it freezes up. With issues like that, I’m surprised water doesn’t constantly get the vapors. And even when it does, it is like no one even sees it.

Even scientists, who you think would really understand water, don’t pay it enough attention. You’ve got scientists looking for water on the moon and Mars and even outside our solar system. What’s the deal, scientists? The water here isn’t good enough for you? What is wrong with the water right here on earth? And when they do pay attention to water, it is always just because of what it can do for them, rather than just because they like the water.

Oh hey, water. Let’s hang out. Oh, btw, do you mind if we dissolve some stuff in you? K Thx, you’re the best, water!

So who can blame water for sometimes trying to get in the sky so more people can see it and maybe it’ll get some attention. But then people are like: Oh, no water! Why are you blocking the sun? Way to be a dick water.

Way to be a dick everyone else!

And then when people have had too much sun, they’re all: Oh man I could use some water. Well maybe you should have thought of that before.

And everyone is always telling water how to do its job. Oh, you’re raining too much. Woah water, you need to rain some more. Stop flooding, water. Maybe water has been water for a long time and knows exactly what it is doing, OK?

Jeez, hydrotherapy is making more and more sense.

So yeah. Cut water some slack. Water is already on tons of pharmaceuticals and anti-depressants. And people only complain that is tainting water. Well maybe water just needs a little help.

Some one on one therapy sessions are exactly what water needs.

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One response to “Does Water Need Hydrotherapy?

  1. Like. As an angsty middle-schooler I wrote a poem about how water is everybody’s father, brother, lover, and friend. Freud didn’t even enter into it, but he should have.

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