Category Archives: Rice

I already wrote about crazy racist things that Ron Paul allowed to be published under his name

The other day, Tim Faust posted to facebook an article from Vice Magazine about some new, old news. Did you know that Ron Paul used to have lots of various publications printed under his name? And did you know that these publications used to be filled with awful, racist screeds attacking Martin Luther King Jr and black people in general?

Well, you would totally know that if you had read the Rice Thresher Backpage in January 2008. Because I totally wrote about it then. (pdf: thresher backpage ron paul racist)

So many great quotes were published under Ron Paul’s name. One of my favorites was about how Dr. King was “not only a world-class adulterer” but “also seduced underage girls and boys.”

The Rev. Ralph David Abernathy revealed before his death that King had made a pass at him many years before.

And we are supposed to honor this “Christian minister” and lying socialist satyr with a holiday that puts him on par with George Washington?”

George Washington owned slaves.

But anyways, letting such (assumedly non-satirical) language be published in one’s own newsletter should probably disqualify someone from running for president for one of three reasons. As Mobutu Sese Seko states in “RON PAUL: REACTIONARY RACIST LEPRECHAUN

There’s no way Paul could have been ignorant of the content in an 8-12 page newsletters published under his name for over ten years. Paul supporters face three losing propositions:

-He lacks the competency to control content published under his own name for over a decade, and is thus unfit to lead a country.

-He doesn’t believe these things but considers them a useful political tool to motivate racist whites, which makes him fit to be a GOP candidate, but too obvious about it to win.

-He’s actually a racist, which makes him unfit to be a human being.

These are some pretty hard hits against Ron Paul, but Ron Paul supporters don’t fall easily.

For example, when I wrote about Ron Paul’s racist newsletters, I did so on the satirical Backpage. But that didn’t stop Ron Paul supporters from writing letters expressing their indignation about such awful reporting in the not-news section.

To the editor:

I was surprised when I found an entire page in the latest Thresher devoted to attacking my favorite presidential candidate (“Backpage,” Jan. 18). Published were some grainy photos intended to attack the character of Dr. Ron Paul, a ten-term congressman.

If the author spent more than two minutes researching the subject, he would know that someone else had written the texts in question, yet Paul still took moral responsibility for not keeping tabs over the content. This issue was discussed and buried as irrelevant over a decade ago, but is now being dug up as the only way to attack a man who has gained the grass-roots support of millions across the country.

I suppose I should be proud to support a candidate whose biggest flaw is what someone else wrote decades ago, who has the largest number of contributions from blacks among all the Republicans, who consistently has spoken against all forms of institutionalized discrimination.

The larger problem is the journalistic dishonesty on the part of the editors. Yellow journalism labeled as satire still serves to exploit and sensationalize. Knowingly publishing false statements using the name of Rice University is a violation of the trust placed in the editors by the student body. In addition, attacking the many students who support Paul, implicitly accusing them of “racism by proxy,” should not be allowed to stand.

If our newspaper editors want to print personal attacks, let them do it under their own names, not under the banner of the university.

Of course, it was irrelevant a decade ago because Ron Paul wasn’t running for president a decade ago. And, despite magically turning pointing out racism into a crime worse than actual racism… well… as Tim Faust responded to Alice Townes: “Gurrrrrl, you don’t *need* to be clever when the source material is so rich.”

If you want to see the real racist, look in the mirror!

One can at least try to respect the intellectual consistency if the articles were about Gerrymandering problems that arise out of the Voting Rights Act, or unintended consequences of legislating racial integration, or funny third thing. But when there is a pattern of ad hominem attacks on civil rights leaders, and black people in general, well, I don’t need to think of a way to end this sentence.

Then again, as the letter asserted, “I suppose I should be proud to support a candidate whose biggest flaw is what someone else wrote decades ago.” But as Seko asserts, this is the least of Paul’s issues. Paul may express some positions appealing to many voters, beyond the insanity of deflationary gold standard policies or entirely eliminating the Federal Reserve. But his justification for these positions  isn’t exactly the same as voters’.

Liberals cheer his opposition to America’s wars, but his isn’t a moral choice so much as it is an echo of George Washington’s injunction against “foreign entanglements.” Further, while Ronald isn’t down with wars that cost money and expand federal power, he’s totally fine with the government making a buck from other people’s wars: He was the only member of congress to vote against the Darfur Divestment Act, which proposed the radical idea of prohibiting the American government from investing in businesses fueling a fucking genocide.

Of course, this justification leads to crazy votes and policies about which casual Paul supporters don’t really know and serious supporters don’t really advertise.

Independents sick of the government’s invasions of privacy celebrate Paul’s veneration of the Constitution, but that veneration is as convenient as Bush and Obama’s. Paul has repeatedly submitted the “We the People Act” to Congress, whose provisions remove Supreme Court review of First Amendment cases. If a state chose to criminalize being Muslim, citizens would have no federal redress. If a state chose to criminalize birth control, the penumbras of individual protections of privacy as explicated by William O. Douglas would disappear.

But nobody wants to hear that stuff. Government non-interference is sexy when it’s sold to you as, “Ron Paul opposes the War on Drugs.” What isn’t mentioned is that he has no problem with the concept of 50 individual state wars on drugs, and deregulating evidently stops when it comes to uterine production—he’s OK withvoting for federal partial birth abortion bans, for instance.

The way to fix the 21st century is to return to the values and socioeconomic order of the 14th. After you gut the FDA, you can even literally bring back the plague, which shouldn’t affect the rich people in Congress. They’ll be able to afford all the colloidal silver they can drink.

 Now, the super Paul supporters will just claim that this is out of some severe adherence to the plain language of the Constitution, as if that justifies the effects. But Paul doesn’t even like the Constitution. He likes his own crazy imaginary version of the Constitution:

His Constitution would also be a lot slimmer. He subscribes to the notion that the FourteenthSixteenth, andSeventeenth amendments are invalid or must be repealed. So long, income tax, but also so long to voting for senators yourselves. And if you don’t like foreign brown people, Paul’s opposition to the Civil Rights Act means you won’t have to share a dinner table with them for their last meal before they join 10 million other human beings in railcars, calling at all points south.

And in my view, the Constitution should have an extra amendment that forces the states to enforce the calling of “shotgun” when sitting in a car.

Of course, none of this is news. Ron Paul has had these political positions for a while. But opposing the drug war or supporting legalization of marijuana fit better into headlines than the underlying policies that lead to them.

But as the Republican primary continues, with primary voters more fickle than a gaggle of high school girls over the latest school hottie, Ron Paul has been the Justin Beiber with nearly religious support from a tight group of dedicated fans.

So these proclaimed buried issues are going to be readdressed on the national stage. And the world needs to know that I already did that in 2008 in the made-up joke section of a small college newspaper.

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Rice v Purdue: Top 5 overheards

Yesterday, Rice beat Purdue. A C-USA team beat a Big 10 team, huzzah! The last time Rice at home defeated a team from a conference that automatically qualifies for a BCS bowl since Rice beat Duke in 2001. Of course, one of the best parts about playing a school that actually cares about its football program, besides beating them and making their fans and players cry, is sheer contrast of the crowds. This always leads to entertaining conversations to overhead in the audience, or read via Tweets. Anyways, here in no particular order are my top 5 Overheards or Tweets from the game

5. “Look at that kid” [Points to a Rice student taking pictures from the top of the stadium] “What’s he doing? He must be some kind of ‘tard. Der der der!” — Said by an drunk, overweight Purdue fan in a helmet that was too small for his fat head.

4. “Yes! Rice just beat Purdue in American Football!” — A University of Texas student doing his impression of a Rice student

3. “And while UT has it’s own brand of water, Rice University has it’s own brand of beer,” [showing Saint Arnold on screen] — Rice MOB show

2. “I don’t care if miller light is union made, it is still undrinkable swill” — Overheard in the Rice beer pen

1. “A classy @ricemob sketch for halfime saluting JSC & @NASA …classiness only explained by the script being rewritten by Rice Public Affairs! — Tweet by @expatminister.

Rice University, not University of Houston, belongs in the Big 12

How many Aggies does it take to move a school from the Big 12 to the SEC? I don’t know, but why would Texas A&M want to join the Securities and Exchange Commission?

Anyways, Texas A&M (is that another name for SMU, as my New York grandmother asked) isn’t going anywhere. But that hasn’t stopped talk about college sports realignments. While the conversation should have ended with the SEC’s rejection of A&M, diehard University of Houston boosters just won’t shut up about how they deserve to be in the Big 12.

Most recently, State Rep. Garnet Coleman wrote a letter to Chairman of the House Committee on Higher Education Dan Branch encouraging the University of Houston to replace A&M in case of any move. (pdf: ChairmanBranch UH big 12)

But if any Houston-based C-USA team belongs in the Big 12, it is Rice.

Why? Because of the crazy arguments I can make right here.

1. Rice has a bigger endowment

First of all, Rice has a bigger endowment. While I didn’t think this was an issue, but the Wikipedia article about the Big 12 Conference seems to imply otherwise. Simply by specifically listing endowment, the article implies that it is an important criteria.

Rice University has an endowment of $4.1 billion. Now that’s a hefty package right there, especially in contrast to UH’s wimpy $553 million. Rice would be number 3, but UH would find itself behind even Texas Tech.

Let’s just face it,  Rice is better endowed than UH.

Advantage: Rice

Rice 1 UH 0.

2. Rice has a bigger football stadium

Currently, the smallest football stadium in the Big 12 is Baylor University’s Floyd Casey Stadium, which holds 50,000. As is the university’s custom, UH would come far below this already low minimum, with Robertson Stadium holding merely 32,000. That is less than Rice University’s old Rice Field.

Rice Stadium, on the other hand, currently holds 50,000 and is expandable to 70,000.

Plus, Rice Stadium has already held a Super Bowl, and was the site of President Kennedy’s “We Will Go to the Moon” speech. What has Robertson Stadium had? Uh, an AFL championship game.

Advantage: Rice

Rice 2 UH 0

3. Rice has a bigger baseball field

Rice’s consistently successful baseball team plays in the beautiful Reckling Park, which seats 5,368, larger than all but 4 of the Big 12 baseball parks.  UH also has a baseball team, apparently. It plays in Cougar Field, which merely holds 5,000.

Advantage: Rice

Rice 3 UH 0

4. Rice has a better athletics attendance ratio

In 2009, Rice had an average attendance per football game of 13,552. In the same year, UH had an average attendance of 25,242. UH may seem to have the advantage here … if you suck at critical thinking. But the fact of the matter is that Rice does a much better job at getting fans to turn out than UH does.

Rice is able to average 13,552 fans to football games with but 5,760. On the other hand, UH has a total student body of 38,752 yet can only get a football turnout of 25,242. Rice demonstrates the ability to get fans and support from beyond campus in a way that UH merely cannot. While Rice can get more than double of its student body to show up, UH can’t even get the whole campus to turn out to games.

What a weak and pathetic show of support. What a lack of athletic potency. Poorly endowed indeed.

I bet UH can’t even get UH student James Franco to turn out to games.

Furthermore, while Rice has an attendance : student body ratio (ASB) of 2.35. UH has an ASB of merely .65. Rice’s ratio is more than 3.5 times greater than UH’s. Now that is a show of real team support and talent. Assuming static ASB, if Rice were the size of UH, it could get football crowds of more than 91,000. This is the sort of number that belongs in the Big 12.

Advantage: Rice.

Rice 91,000 UH 0

In conclusion, Rice belongs in the Big 12. Let’s make this happen.

The Terrifying History of the Rice Cryptid

The origins of the Rice University Cryptid, the Evan’s Hare, revealed. And it all began in 1916…

But a few weeks ago, I spotted an unidentifiable creature the claims the Rice University campus as its hidden home. Apparently similar to the Jackalope, this beast that I have deemed “Evan’s Hare” still remains loose, and largely a mystery.

What is this fantastic beast that I have found?!

Some have mocked my account of this hooved, unexplainable wunderbeast. However, the revealing spotlight of history should leave no question about the fantastical status of the Evan’s Hare, and its mysterious origins at Rice University.

It all began in 1916.

Rice University admitted its first class in 1912. In those early years, The Rice Institute, as it was originally known, spent considerable effort recruiting and retaining top minds in maths, sciences, and other fields. Some of those early names may still be recognizable to students today. Notably, Julian Huxley was one of Rice’s first professors.

Note Huxley, the first Director of UNESCO, and a founding member of the World Wildlife Fund, in this picture from Rice’s first yearbook.

What a brave, new world Rice was back then.

While Huxley may be the most famous face in that practically centennial photographs, the man important for the story is Hermann Joseph Muller. Muller was recruited by Huxley to teach at Rice, where he continued some of the first genetic research. Notably this research focused on the Drosophila, aka, the fruit fly. But that wasn’t all of his work…

Hermann Joseph Muller: Father of the Rice Cryptid?

Muller may be better known for his 1946 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine. He was granted the award for “the discovery that mutations can be induced by x-rays.”

How convenient that the home of this rabbitesque mutant was where the father of radiation-induced mutations first cut his teeth as a full professor. But of course, that would be preposterous. It is not like there is a picture of Muller, and the rest of his scientific team, with a rabbit.

Oh wait there totally is.

Notice the little creature in front of Muller in the Campanile photo. Doesn’t it look a little familiar?

How convenient that the father of radiation-induced mutations is photographed with a rabbit-like creature.

The connections are becoming apparent and the truth is being revealed. So is the Evan’s Hare a cryptid, or some mutant created by man? Or could it be both?

The Rice Historian comments that there is no information about the rabbit in the 1916 photograph. And indeed, there is little information about Muller’s time at Rice. Of course, why would they want to advertise this man. Sure, he won the Nobel Prize. But he also had explicit Communist sympathies and worked closely with scientists from the USSR. Muller also was involved in the illegal leftist student newspaper, The Spark. So perhaps Rice, as fitting Texas’ mid-century anti-communism, decided to cover up any ties with this pinko. And with those ties, evidence of his genetic experiments on rabbits.

So today, the offspring of his mutant creatures still roam the grassy quads and oak filled campus of Rice University.

Hermann Muller. A Frankenstein to rabbits. A creator to the Evan’s Hare. A father to the Rice Cryptid.

In which Evan discovers a Cryptid at Rice University

Bigfoot. Ogopogo. Chupacabra. Legends to some, beasts yet to be discovered for others. Societies around the world tell myths about the creatures that live just outside humanity’s knowledge. They are called Cryptids: creatures or plants whose existence has been suggested but is unrecognized by scientific consensus and often regarded as highly unlikely.

And I discovered one.

It was a bright, sunny day in June, and the bells had just struck four. I was walking back to the library from a late lunch, enjoying the flora and fauna of the semi-urban Rice University campus before returning to my Barbri video. Despite being located in the middle of a city, the university and the nearby Hermann Park, are home to some more unusual animals. There are the nutria in the Hermann Park pond. The occasional coyote sightings. And of course, the terrifying hives of graduate students.

Not to mention the adorable bunnies!

Just a bunny!

But yesterday I spied an animal beyond categorization.

I heard some rustling in the bushes, and went over to see if it was just another squirrel, or maybe a slightly more rare bunny. Among returning feelings of playing Pokemon and looking for a rare Jigglypuff among hoards of Pidgeys, I spied a tuft of brown fur rustling through the underbrush. I crept up slowly as to not scare away the creature, but unlike the rabbits, or even the most friendly squirrels that constantly approach people in search of snacks, this little beast did not run away. No. It hopped closer. Raised back in its haunches, it hopped out of the brush and towards the sidewalk where I was standing. This was no ordinary creature. With smooth swiftness, desperate to not scare away the beast, I grabbed my iPhone and fumbled with the touchpad until I was able to snap a picture. As I looked over the edge of the camera, the animal looked back, and at that point it struck me that this was not an ordinary animal.

It had ears somewhat like a rabbit, but shorter than most other ones on campus. It had a large snout, and giant rear haunches. And instead of front paws, what looked like hooves. This was no rabbit.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

What is this fantastic beast that I have found?!

What is this thing?! Heading back into the library, I scoured the only reliable source for information on odd and mythical animals: wikipedia’s list of cryptids. Perhaps one of these would fit.

Considering the location, maybe it was an Elmendorf Beast, which is indigenous to Texas. Weighing around 20 pounds, the beasts are responsible for attacking and killing livestock around Elmendorf, but a few hour drive away.

Is this what I saw?

However, unlike the Elmendorf Beast, the animal I saw had fur. And there have not been any recent reports about attacks on Rice’s livestock.

Given the creature’s fur and large haunches, maybe it was a Phantom Kangaroo. While technically not a cryptid, because kangaroos are real, there is a special category for kangaroos and wallabies showing up in areas where one would not expect them. This very well may have been a Phantom Wallaby.

This wallaby looks an awful lot like the creature I found

What was a wallaby doing in Houston, Texas? Who knows! These are the mysteries of the world. Cyptids live among us.

However, the hooves in the picture certainly do not seem to match the normal little paws of a wallaby. Maybe it was a Jackalope, but with hooves instead of horns. If so, then I would like to declare this a new sort of cyptid: Evan’s Hare.

Evan’s Hare is like a Jackalope, but instead of expressing its antelope characteristics via horns, it does so via hooves.

So, given the conclusive evidence that this animal was some sort of cyptid, possibly a Elmendorf Beast, possibly a Phantom Wallaby, possibly an Evan’s Hare subsection of the Jackalope species, I submit this discovery to the io9 Cryptid Summer contest.

If I win, then I will donate the money to the cause of hunting and capturing this Evan’s Hare. Or pay down student loans, whatever.

Embracing the Coming David Brooks Internet Meme

While I have not had time to analyze and critique David Brooks’ commencement speech at Rice University, I have had time to read The Atlantic’s twitter feed, which delivered this wonderful new Internet meme to my metaphorical doorstep.

Given the plethora of Facebook pictures from Rice University’s graduation, I expected to see some featuring Brooks. But so far, nada. Friedman says I should wait six more months, but why wait when I can merely add Brooks in.

Brooks at Graduation

Come on, David Brooks. Get off the phone! There is honor being conferred.

David photobombing Davers? Oh you!

This photo will be placed on a 1.44″ floppy disk, which will then be rubbed with magnets from 4rd grade science class. The file from the disk will then be uploaded as a YouTube video, then recorded, then uploaded onto YouTube again. A screen grab from the video will be displayed on a 10 foot screen via digital projector. The screen is covered with a three-inch grid, and viewers are encouraged to trace a square of the grid with crayon. Once completed, each section of the grid will be sold as designer toilet paper.

But of course, part of Brooks’ style is to visit various locales of American culture and then write about them with the greatest expertise. And what better place to fetishize the trials and tribulations of the social lives for yuppies-to-be than a college party like NOD.

Brooks' new book will be about NaCos, or Naked Co-Eds

Friedman was giving out mustache rides at NOD for 50 cents, but some guy from the South Asian Society was doing it for 25 cents and put him out of a job.

Thus is my partaking in what will hopefully become a grand internet meme. Perhaps I should have written on the pictures in Impact? Let’s try that:

He earns that place in the New York Times.

This was my first official assignment for The Atlantic.

New York Times is offering online classes for college credit

I always knew Krugman was a professor, but this is getting ridiculous. According to the AP guys, The New York Times is going to be offering online classes for college credit.

The New York Times Knowledge Network and New Jersey’s Fairleigh Dickinson University are teaming up to offer online courses in subjects ranging from homeland security studies to global health care.

Of course, there are many jokes to be made here about what classes the NYTimes will offer.

Krugman 101: Always Being Right

Brooks 302: If you cite enough studies in one article, you won’t have to cite any in your next one

Wedding Announcements 201: Why didnt you go to Penn?

Style 203: Youth Trends… uh… shit, make up something

And Kyle B’s contribution: NYT 101: PAYWALL

I can never get into that class, so I just get notes from HuffPost.

Anyways, I brought up the topic on Facebook, and Lily made an (un?)intentional reference to a Backpage I once did.

Well, in response to Ames calling me out (pdf: Evan classes Backpage):

These jokes are funnier if you went to Rice.