Category Archives: TV talk

Five twist endings for current TV shows that need to happen

Twist ending for a popular TV show? That’s preposterous, is what you would say if you had never heard of St. Elsewhere. If a medical drama can end with the whole thing being the twisted fantasy of an autistic child, then certainly popular TV shows today can have twist endings as well. Here are my ideas.

The Venture Brothers

The Monarch kills Dr. Venture. The Venture Brothers die after being attacked by a giant spider, but this time without any clones and so are dead forever. The Alchemist dies of AIDS. Brock dies while attempting to protect David Bowie from a coup by Lady Gaga, who becomes the new Sovereign.

30 Rock

It turns out that the head writer for TGS was actually Aaron Sorkin the whole time! The last scene is Liz cursing out God a unitarian church.

Fringe

Walter and the Walternate find a way to save both universes by diverting the Fringe Event energy into two pocket dimensions they discover via a vortex in a rural Washington State town. Walter comments on the damn fine coffee and pie. Agent Boyles learns of FBI records describing a bald, pale man from another world helping an agent in Twin Peaks during the 1980s, and comes to the conclusion that this so-called “Giant” was actually an Observer.

Unfortunately, following both the town’s history of FBI agents going mad and her own history of being possessed (by both Fauxlivia’s memories and Dr. Bell), Olivia is taken over for a third time by an evil soul from one of the pocket dimensions. The last scene is Olivia brushing her teeth, laughing maniacally in a mirror “How’s Peter?!” How’s Peter?!”

Mad Men

Don Draper finally confronts the core of his problem with women: he is gay. After Sally is killed at Kent state, and Bobby dies in Vietnam, Don takes his own life. As revenge to the Advertising Industry that sucked his life dry, Draper leaves behind a time bomb revenge scheme in the form of his final advertising idea: Erin Esurance!

C-SPAN

C-SPAN concludes its decades of covering politics by revealing that the supposed politicians and representatives on camera were actually actors. In the wake of the Watergate scandal, the Supreme Court decided that American democracy simply was not sustainable and decided to seize control by fiat under the cover of this greatest hoax of all time. Led by head writer William Rehnquist, who would later be joined by David E. Kelley and Aaron Sorkin Michael Bay, C-SPAN capitalized on the idea of letting viewers choose which characters would be on each season, an idea which was later found greater success in the hit show, “American Idol.”

While C-SPAN has been critiqued for jumping the shark with some of its more ridiculous plots, such as Iran Contra, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, Bush v. Gore, and the shooting of Gabrielle Gifford (which was derided as a ripoff of season 8 of Dallas), the show’s longevity is a testament to its constant fan base.

In the last scene, President Beau Biden will finally push the mysterious “Red Button,” and the screen will cut to black mid-sentence, a la The Sopranos.

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In which I talk to Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

Gold merchants, bomb shelter enthusiasts, and conspiracy theorists despair, Glenn Beck is leaving Fox News. But even sadder, this means that Jon Stewart has to stop doing his Glenn Beck impressions. And so, last Thursday, Jon bid farewell to his glasses and chalkboards and elucidating mockery with one final hurrah.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Intro – Jon Tells the Truth While Wearing Glasses
www.thedailyshow.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:380740
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Glenn Beck Announces His Departure
www.thedailyshow.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:380741
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Glenn Beck Was Sent by Jesus
www.thedailyshow.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:380742
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Barack Obamayan
www.thedailyshow.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:380743
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

While I am personally a much bigger fan of The Colbert Report and find the Daily Show to be a bit too silly or blunt at times, The Daily Show, and specifically this episode, will have a very special place in my heart.

I was there!

 

"aw. you three even managed to get an extra to give to that nice homeless man"

 

Thanks to Andrew, aka that nice homeless man, we had tickets to see Jon Stewart in action. And just like many other talk shows, he took questions and comments before the show started. Of course, I asked him a question. No, I didn’t ask whether there had ever been a fire in the building. Rather, I told him exactly how I felt, and then wrote it here as I remembered it:

Jon Stewart: Uh, you… [points at me]

Me, Evan: I just wanted to thank you…

Jon, interrupting: You’re welcome next question!

[audience laughs]

Me: Haha, I just wanted to thank you for making short, hairy, Jewish guys into a sex symbol.

[audience laughs, especially this one older Asian gentleman in front of me]

Jon: Yeah, it only works if you have your own television show. I’ve had this body for 48 years, and no one was calling it a sex symbol until I had my own TV show

Andrew: He used to have a TV show!

Jon: Or a bartender. Become a bartender, chicks seem to dig that. Next question.

It was great to see Stewart in action for a show that we knew would get wide press coverage after airing. And it was worth waiting 1.5 hours more than usual for them to tweak the script and set up everything. But next time, I’ll just ask him to recommend a good pizza place nearby for after the show.

Mad Man, California, Don’s marriage, and joy

From post World War II until the 1990s, California was the future. America was moving West yet again. From entertainment to Disney, aerospace to education, California represented the bright and warm future that the US could look forward to… dude. And for Don Draper, California is his future as well.

In California, Don has a healthy break from his past of Dick Whitman, a new wife and complete family. This is the future he wants to make for himself. I just don’t think anyone expected it to come so soon. But then again, a sudden marriage proposal is just the thing to further the plot of Mad Men for another season. Because they certainly wouldn’t rush the plot to keep things interesting for the next season.

It really seems like Mad Men has been wedding after wedding after wedding. And next? Did somebody say long lost triplets? And a tiny green space alien named Ozmodiar that only Don can see!

But what his new fiance mean? First, she is French, and France is supposed to be the cultural center of the world at this time. Furthermore, she wants to be a wife, but also has expressed business aspirations. She is a mixed bag, a middle contradiction at this time of cultural shift. But in the end, I guess she is the future or some such.

On the other hand, Betty represents the past. She is married to a moderate Republican in the era of Goldwater and Nixon. She is a child masquerading as an adult, merely wanting to be cared for and unable to deal with conflict. She only has the option of domestic life for her personal joy.

In contrast, it seems like Peggy can only get it from work. Joan claims that she “learned long ago not to get all my satisfaction from this job.” On which Peggy accurately claims “bullshit.”

Not that Joan can’t get joy from domestic life. It is just not her domestic life. She wanted to be the perfect housewife — one who wouldn’t have to work — and has failed to achieve that. Even her child, the future little bundle of joy, is not from her planned domestic partner, but from her office mate. Indeed, the deepest joy she’ll get in life, that of a child as the cliche goes, originates from her office.

And, coming back to the beginning, Don has found joy in his office as well. Then again, he met Betty when she was a model for a campaign. So who is to say that this will be any different.

And thus concludes my last Mad Men reflection of the season, though rather half-assed.

Burn Down Joan’s Abortions in Mad Men

On the most recent episode of Mad Men, (Season 4, episode 3: The Good News) we receive a short hint about Joan’s past. After all, how could a woman as beautiful and suave as Joan Holloway, erm, Harris, go this long without getting knocked up. Spoiler alert: She couldn’t.

Apparently, Joan has had two abortions: One from a doctor and the other via a “midwife.” This raises the question of whether either, or both, of her abortions were illegal.

Roe v. Wade was not decided until 1973. However, that does not guarantee that her abortion was illegal. Roe merely limited states’ abilities to restrict abortions. From the second season episode “The Mountain King,” we know that Joan has lived in New York City at least since 1953, given that in 1962 she told her husband that she had worked for Roger Sterling for 9 years.

During this time, abortion was considered homicide in New York State, unless the procedure was to save a woman’s life. Only in 1970 did New York expand rights to an abortion, and even then abortions after 24 weeks were still considered homicide if the woman’s life was not at risk. Given this timeline, it is not likely that Joan’s reference to an abortion from a physician means that she got one legally in New York. However, there are two ways in which one could hypothesize an abortion from a doctor to be a legal abortion.

1. Medical Justification

Joan could have gotten a legal abortion if she could have proved that it was medically necessary. She could have demonstrated that her life was physically put at risk by the pregnancy, allowing an abortion under New York State law. She also could have checked herself into a psychiatric ward and had two psychiatrists certify that she might commit suicide if she had to continue the pregnancy. This justification gives slight flashbacks to Peggy Olson’s own adventures in childbirth, not to be confused with quarantine for tuberculosis.

According to a hauntingly timely December 25, 1964 Time Magazine article titled “Medicine: Abortion, Legal & Illegal”: “some 8,000 [abortions]  are done by physicians in hospitals, with a semblance of legality.” 8,000 out of millions is not good odds. However, the article does explain that some hospitals hold the idea of medically necessity in much broader terms than others: “In some hospitals, doctors construe [saving the mother’s life] liberally and do an abortion if the woman threatens suicide, especially if she is unmarried or has been raped.”

Given Joan and her doctor’s nonchalant attitude towards an abortion from a physician, perhaps she was one of the lucky 8,000.

2. Joan went to a different state

It is not very likely that Joan received a legal abortion in another state. After all, according to that Time Magazine article: “The law in virtually all 50 states declares that a therapeutic abortion is permissible only to save the mother’s life.” However, some places were still easier than others to acquire abortion services. For example. in Chicago between 1969 and 1973 there was a floating abortion clinic known as “Jane.” Women could call a number and be told where and when they could meet with “Jane.” While this time period does not match perfectly with the events in Mad Men, the contemplation of matching timelines does raise the question of why Mad Men’s creators would bring up abortion specifically in this episode. Perhaps that Time Magazine article is not coincidently timely with the show after all. Maybe the creators know their history all too well.

Time Magazine wrote an article in that last week of 1964 because, only the week before, the New York Academy Medicine had issued a report encouraging the legalization of therapeutic abortion.

“Last week the prestigious, 3,000-member New York Academy of Medicine reported in effect that New York State’s—and most of the nation’s—abortion laws are hypocritical, and would be a farce if they did not prove fatal to so many women. Most doctors, said the academy’s committee on public health, are so afraid of prosecution that safe abortions in hospitals have become fewer and fewer, while dangerous, illegal abortions have become ever more common.

The academy’s prescription: amend the law to permit “therapeutic abortion where there is a substantial risk that the continuance of pregnancy would gravely impair the physical or mental health of the mother, or that the child would be born with grave physical or mental defects.” As safeguards, the academy would require prior approval of an operation by a committee of hospital doctors, and the abortion would have to be done by a licensed physician under the usual safe, sterile conditions in a hospital.”

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,830977,00.html#ixzz0w55eq9J9

Perhaps while doing research for the show, the various historians on call, art directors, and whomever’s job it is to make sure that Mad Men reeks appropriately of vinyl and cigarettes came upon this article. After all, what a better way to do research than flip through the magazines of the era. “Hmm,” he said, looking at the date of the article. “Perhaps we should throw in an abortion reference to this episode. It would be timely and certainly add a little zazz to the plot.”

Furthermore, 1964 marked the death of Gerri Santoro. Santoro died during an attempted self-induced abortion. The resulting police photograph became a rallying call for the pro-choice movement. Published in the April 1973 issue of Ms. magazine, the the one simple image forced the United States to face the horrors unsafe abortions.

Could this have been Joan?

Given that Joan admittedly received an abortion from someone she describes as “claimed to be a midwife” — a description that is not exactly a vote of confidence — one must think about how much distance there really is between Joan’s character and the fate that befell Santoro. Mad Men can’t exactly hit the viewer over the head with such blunt, liberal feel-good moralizing, while maintaining its status as a good how, but it is difficult to see these timely yet short plot points as mere coincidences.

Mad Men skipped much of 1964, and so we didn’t get to see the reactions to the big events of that year. However, the shockwaves are apparent in nearly every scene of the show, from Don smoking grass with some college girl, to ignoring the metaphorical cancer, to Joan’s appointment with her ob/gyn. Mad Men weaves a delicate web, and it does so most beautifully when the real message slips in with a subtle knife, rather than sticking its thumb in the viewer’s face, trying to hitch a ride.

Mad Men Font Secret Success?

After yesterday’s heated heated discussion in the blogospheres about the actual font used for Sterling Cooper Draper Price’s new logo (It is Akzidenz-Grotesk, damn it!) the question still remains about why they would not just go with Helvetica.

There is the question of whether Helvetica would be popular enough state-side by 1963-’64 to be used for major signage. Heck, maybe the rise of Helvetica would mark a subtle plot point in the fourth season. However, as @TheRevDoctor pointed out, Helvetica had already been used in the American Airlines advertising campaign from season 2.

Still, one campaign is not enough to mark a complete awareness. It is not like they had some huge sign in the office that was like: THIS IS HELVETICA AND IT IS AWESOME.

Oh wait they totally did!

Look at the circled poster to the far right side. You probably know a designer who owns that poster. If not, buy one and become that guy!

Thanks to Doc’s keen eye, we know that the designers at Sterling Cooper Draper Price were quite aware of the modernity-defining typeface that is Helvetica. But the question still stands of why they would go with Akzidenz-Grotesk for the company logo even if they were aware of its typeface design progeny.

Maybe there is some credence to the idea that it easier to get giant metal letters and other random branding paraphernalia set in well-established typefaces. But then again, with something as important as company branding, you probably go custom-made. Furthermore, as the poster and American Airlines advertising campaign demonstrate, the typeface was well known by then.

Perhaps instead, the newly founded company wanted to go with a typeface that, while connected to the new era, still communicated a sense of establishment and stability. Therefore, they went with the proto-grotesk that is Akzidenz-Grotesk.

Or maybe the creators knew very well that people scrutinize Mad Men to such an insane degree that they could build up Internet buzz about the show simply by choosing a typeface that looks at first glance like the reviled Arial, rather than Helvetica, but is actually something that would have been somewhat appropriate for a company to choose at the time.

But that’s crazy, right? Right?

In conclusion, Akzidenz-Grotesk is a typeface of contrast.

Mad Men Font Fail… or was it?

Tonight was the first episode of the fourth season of Mad Men. It was a bittersweet moment, in which we once again can revel in the mid-century modern adventures of the anti-hero Don Draper, but also mourn the approaching summer’s end.

One of the many enjoyable parts of the Mad Men viewing experience (besides laughing at the characters’ ignorance of upcoming historical events. Fools! Johnson was planning on sending more troops to Vietnam the whole time! And you will have Nixon to kick around anymore!) is watching in awe how the show flawlessly recreates the ’60s style down to pinpoint accuracy. Sure there are a few mistakes, but overall it is very impressive and does a better job at truly immersing the audience than almost any other show.

This is why typeface purists were shocked, shocked, to see the logo for the new Sterling Cooper Draper Price.

Behold! The high quality of taking a picture of a paused DVRd show with my iPhone.

Instantly, Twitter was a twitter with shock and disgust.

Is that…

Can it be…

Arial?!

For those who do not know, Arial is one the typefaces, behind comic sans and papyrus, most likely to get you in trouble with a font nerd. What makes it so repugnant is its obvious ripoff from, yet inferiority to, Helvetica (a typeface so wonderful it merits its own documentary). What is worse is that Arial was created by Microsoft as a stand-in for Helvetica simply so it would not have to pay for the superior original. Therefore, the ubiquity of the Microsoft software has ensured that Arial is used more often as a generic sans-serif than that pinnacle of the modern sans-serif that is Helvetica.

But certainly Mad Men’s art directors would know this, right? They wouldn’t use such an obvious Arial anachronism? So perhaps there are a few arguments that can save Mad Men from such a damning mistake in its first episode back.

1. It is not any typeface.

The logo isn’t on paper. It is not typed. It is not pre-fab lettering. It seems to be a stand-alone, one-time creation for the new company of Sterling Cooper Draper Price. Perhaps the craftsman who created it merely made up his own lettering and went from there, rather than adhering to an established font as a guide.

This would explain the similarity to Arial. The artist looked at whatever sans-serif he had around to get a sense of design and then just kind of deviated from the standard shape.

2. It is Akzidenz Grotesk

I took the super-duper high quality camera-phone picture of a paused TV show and tried putting into What The Font. However, the website had a problem with the shape, contrast, etc. So I fumbled around with the SCDP logo and came up with this:

If you turn up the contrast really high and make it black and white, its modern art!

When I put this into What The Font, its top answer seemed awfully close: Berthold Akzidenz-Grotesk.

Akizdenz-Grotesk would actually be a great typeface for the Mad Men art directors to have used. According to Wikipedia, it was created in 1898 and was the first sans-serif typeface to be widely used, and it ended up influencing many later neo-grotesk typefaces. Neo-grotesk typefaces like Neue Haas Grotesk, or as it was renamed in 1960: Helvetica.

So lets compare Akzidenz-Grotesk to Arial.

Akzidenz!

Arial!

The height of the C in Arial in comparison to Akidenz seems to be the most obvious difference, but is it notable enough to prove that the Sterling Cooper Draper Price slogan is not in Arial?

I have enough faith in the Mad Men art directors to believe that they would have gone with not the FAIL of Arial, and not the obvious choice of Helvetia, but instead would have chosen something old and classic for the ’60s. Lest we forget, Helvetica was just released in 1960, only a few years before tonight’s episode. Furthermore, one can imagine that it would be slightly difficult to get large metal letters in the shape of newly released typefaces. One would have to get letters in something that had been around for a while. Something that factories had been putting out for a while, making in bulk. Something like Akzidenz Grotesk.

Mad Men art directors, I will never doubt you again.

Why Twilight is ruining America: An Essay by Evan Mintz

I saw the most recent Twilight movie this weekend. Critiques and commentary of Twilight (eg: lulz, teen girls like dumb things! this is poorly written!) have been done. However, upon urging from Rae and Elena, wrote this blog thing:

Throughout history, many things have threatened to ruin America. Whiskey taxes threatened to ruin America in its infant stage as a nation. Rock music threatened to ruin America by turning listeners into disciples of the Antichrist via backwards messages. Even, according to the cover of Ben Stein’s new book, paper shredders currently threaten to ruin America. However, in this blog post I will discuss how Twilight is ruining America.

First, I will discuss how Twilight makes it seem OK to act like a crazy person. Second, I will discuss how Twilight makes it seem wrong to have sex in a committed relationship. Finally, I will cram in all my other one-liners and pop-culture references that I probably already wrote in my livetweeting of Twilight: Eclipse, which didn’t even have a single actual eclipse in it (neither the astronomical event nor the car. I guess you could say that it was an eclipse in the sense that the werewolf guy eclipse the relationship with the vampire guy. In this sense, he blocked it, but only temporarily, with knowledge it would return. I guess that makes sense.)

The main focus of Twilight is upon the relationship between Bella, an attractive and popular 18 year old girl, and Edward, a 100-something year old “Vampire.” The term Vampire is loosely applied here given that they can apparently enter homes without invitation, can go into the sun, and do not have a constant lust for blood dripping from an exposed neck, pulsing and coursing through veins, begging to released of its mortal human prison and sucked, devoured, providing that life giving essence that consumes every waking moment, every need, every desire.

This relationship is a Crazy. First of all, she is a teenager and he is 100something years old. Now I would understand if he wanted to tap that. If we must fetishize anything, let us fetishize youth. She is a looker, and she totally wants to do it. I can totally sympathize. But that is not why Edward like Bella. Instead, he is in Love. Except not Love. Nor love. Thats not the right word to describe what he is. What is it… oh yes. Crazy.

At one point in the movie, Bella is encouraged by her father to hang out with the werewolf guy, because he’s all around very nice and relatively normal. Edward gets jealous and breaks Bella’s car so that she can’t.

To repeat: The 100 year old vampire breaks a 17 year old’s car because he is jealous of her visiting a friend who has a crush on her. That would be nutso for another 17 year old, let alone someone with 100 years of experience, no longer ruled by the insanity-inducing teenage hormones. Furthermore, Bella is a hot teen girl. All of her guy friends probably have crushes on her to some degree. Is he gonna just trap her in his vampire fortress and never let her leave?

Admittedly, we’ve all been there. I know I have. Heck, I was always the superjealous boyfriend whose face would go stone cold when supergays would sexydance with my girlfriend. But by the ripe age of 23, I at least learned that such attitudes are unhealthy and immature. And when silly suspicions about my girlfriend arose, I trusted her and everything turned out OK. Right?

But to the teen girls and middle aged Mormon moms, nothing is more romantic than a grown man who is willing to destroy and threaten violence to show his love. I believe the applicable country-western song is “I Kissed My Baby With My Fist.” The popularity of this film ensures that its inane concept of the ideal relationship will warp teen girls into thinking such an attitude is normal, leading to a generation of girls who want nothing more than a man, no matter how old, who loves them so much that he won’t let them leave the house. This threatens to ruin America!

Secondly, Edward doesn’t even want to have sex with her. Oh no, he only wants to do that after they get married. When you’re 18, the wrong thing to do is talk about getting married. When you’re 18, the right thing to do is have safe, protected sex with your long-term monogamous partner. Yet Edward talks about it as if he is going to steal her dignity or something. She wants it! They’ve been dating for a while and she wants it. Who will judge her? Who will say she lost her dignity. The only one doing the judging is her boyfriend, judging her for having a healthy sexual appetite. That does not sound like a good boyfriend to me.

Not only does this give the completely wrong idea of a healthy high school relationship, but is historically inaccurate. In an incredibly painful monologue, Edward explains that back in his day they’d go on escorted dates and romance and wouldn’t touch until a wedding. Wrong-o! His character grew up in Chicago during the beginning of the 20th century. The Roarin’ 20s marked the rise of  modern sexual mores in the US, not to mention an urban Jazz hotbed like Chicago. Maggie: A Girl of the Streets, with its teen-dating and sexual undertones, was written in 1893. Dating that Edward describes is cliche imaginary claptrap that only exists in crappy romance novels. But the idiot author apparently didn’t do even a base level of research. And this threatens to ruin America.

Finally, just in general the main characters are horrible. Bella is a pretty and popular high school girl who wants to run off with vampires. Despite her appropriate popularity and  status as an object to be praised by young men, she wants to run off and join vampires. Oh, is life too tough? Things must be hard for Bella. So hard that she wants to run off, with but 18 years of life experience, and leave society. Not only that, she’s abandoning her parents. Has she thought about them at all? No! Because she’s a stupid teenage girl and a 100 year old vampire should know better. But he doesn’t. Because he’s horrible.

He’s so pathetic that he keeps going to high school. Why? What does he get out of this? Did he not understand the Great Gatsby the first time? Maybe he’s just so pathetic that he feels the need to relive high school because he’s afraid to grow up or explore a world beyond what he is used to just like the teen girls and mormon moms who read this trash.

Both characters cant realize that their love is doomed. And thats all nice and romantic and such, but usually characters not smart enough to realize this kill themselves in the end. But unlike Romeo and Juliette, Edward and Bella are too dumb to know to kill themselves.

In conclusion, Twilight is ruining America.

Now, my livetweeting of the film, in reverse order, because I was too lazy to include every hilarious thing I said:

This concludes Evans livetweeting of twilight: eclipse. I hope you enjoyed it. I’m available for weddings, birthdays and bar mitzvahs July 17, 2010 12:43:58 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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Now we have to do the most difficult thing… Tell my dad! Really? It’s not die and leave society forever at age 18? July 17, 2010 12:42:59 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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What’s wrong with this Bella girl? Being pretty and popular isn’t enough, now she wants to be a teenager forever? Ick July 17, 2010 12:39:44 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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Only a month to plan a wedding? Do vampires have superplanning powers or something? #therewontbeacaviarbar July 17, 2010 12:38:35 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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And then the vampire government shows up. Are they elected or what? How does the system work? July 17, 2010 12:35:40 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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When The vampires die, they break like the fake vase in Last Crusade. July 17, 2010 12:29:35 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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Redhead vampire lady: “ngngngngngnnnn!!!!” #whatthescriptmusthavesaid July 17, 2010 12:26:53 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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This fight scene isn’t bad, but I want a better view of them ripping off limbs July 17, 2010 12:24:37 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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So she gets engaged but then makes out with the other dude? Also, why isn’t she freezing while wearing a tanktop in the snow? July 17, 2010 12:21:14 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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This girl and werewolf love really reminds me of inyuasha. #sitboy July 17, 2010 12:20:00 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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@evan7257 is live tweeting his viewing of #twilight. Check it out, its some funny ass shit. (via @ErikVidor) July 17, 2010 12:19:01 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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I can’t believe someone actually wrote this, it’s so hilarious and prone to slashfic July 17, 2010 12:13:09 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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@etothemax sitting in the back row July 17, 2010 12:12:12 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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All three sharing a tent? #threeway July 17, 2010 12:11:40 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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Why doesn’t he just go down on her during her period? #bestofbothworlds July 17, 2010 12:03:50 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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If she’s worried about edward hurting her during sex, why don’t tie him up? July 17, 2010 12:03:12 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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So if vampires are legally dead, how do they get marriage certificates? July 17, 2010 12:01:23 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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Wait, why did werewolf have to carry her to cover her scent if she’s spending the next scenes walking everywhere else? July 17, 2010 12:00:02 AM CDT via Twitterrific
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I wanna see a spinoff series about the dad. July 16, 2010 11:59:00 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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What’s with this obsession with the werewolf smelling? #racsim July 16, 2010 11:53:49 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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.@youloverae has to pee, but doesn’t want to miss any of this amazing movie July 16, 2010 11:52:18 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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“I was heading back to Galveston” and then rides over large hills. #isntitamazonghowtexaslooksnothinglikesoutherncalifornia July 16, 2010 11:48:06 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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This is like Romeo and Juliette, if there weren’t smart enough to kill themselves before having to deal with reality July 16, 2010 11:46:43 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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So some guy not her bf kisses Bella, she’s pissed and bf is pissed. So then she wears necklace from that guy? July 16, 2010 11:45:17 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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Fight training montage! July 16, 2010 11:43:45 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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Wait, why are the vampires graduating from high school? Haven’t they already done that? July 16, 2010 11:36:41 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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What’s the big deal with vampires being infertile. Lots of people are, and they seem to live on. #adoption July 16, 2010 11:33:39 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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Rape scene! #moneystootightforrape July 16, 2010 11:31:32 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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Life really sucks for bellas dad July 16, 2010 11:29:04 PM CDT via Twitterrific
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All Bella has is looks. She doesn’t seem smart or funny or willing to do that weird thing in bed I like. 11:27 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Do vampires hair keep growing? Could Edward grow a mustache? He needs a mustache. 11:24 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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@JellicleLoon blast and a half! 11:22 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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So does the us dept of Indian affairs regulate the werewolves? What’s their legal status? 11:20 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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“from now on I’m Switzerland, ok!” #idskithosepeaks 11:14 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Why are these guys obsessing over her. I mean she’s got nice lips, but I don’t think she puts out. 11:09 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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So why don’t guy werewolves never wear shirts, but the girls do? #wereboobies #thereboobies #whyareyoutalkinglikethat? 11:07 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Running through the forest chase scene #itsbeendone #forestmoonofendor 11:03 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Alaska #Hawaii #thefreakstates 11:01 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Alaska #Hawaii! 11:00 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Everyone in the movie is sane except the two main characters #whenharrymetstupid 10:59 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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These vampires are superstrong, fast, and magic powers. Why don’t they help people or fight crime? #likejumper 10:57 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Wait, why Is sokka blond and doesn’t have his boomerang? 10:55 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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“vampire-human divorce rate” #unintentionallyhilariouslines 10:50 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Change me? #diaperfetish 10:49 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Wait, is he sparkling or sweaty? 10:49 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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These romance scenes remind me of naboo. Edward is softer than sand! 10:48 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Do vampires ever worry about bloodbornr diseases? 10:47 PM Jul 16th via Twitterrific
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Apparently vampires have the power to be blurry