Tag Archives: Drinking Game

Fourth of July Drinking Game

Independence Day is about tea, and taxes, and representation. It is also, if the Whiskey Rebellion taught us anything, about drinking. Also, telling the British to get out of our face. So it should be appropriate that the Royal Wedding Drinking Game and the Independence Day Drinking Game are rather similar.

Rules to Burn Down Blog’s Fourth of July Drinking Game

Part I: History!

1. Read the Declaration of Independence as loudly as you possibly can! Preferably near an open window or in a public square. Maybe out the side of your car while driving along a major thoroughfare.

2. Drink every time a word is capitalized for no reason. Example:

WHEN in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

By my count, that first sentence is 13 drinks.

3. Drink every time the phrasing sounds dirty. Example:

… for opposing with manly Firmness …

Or

He has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.

Each one of those would be a drink, in addition to the random capitalizations.

4. Chug your drink when you get to John Hancock.

Part II: Movies!

1. Read the entire Independence Day monologue in one breath.

Good morning.

In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

“Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!

Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

If you fail, drink.

2. Walk around to people and punch them in the arm. Follow up the punch with: “Welcome ta Erf!” When you do this to someone, they have to drink.

3. Drink until you can, in good conscience, make a huge mess of whatever BBQ you attend. This way, if we make a big enough mess of our planet, the aliens won’t want it anymore.

4. Put someone in a headlock. Don’t release them until they go: “Release me!” Get him, or her, a drink for being such a good sport.

Part III: Flags

1. Drink for every star.

2. Drink for every stripe.

3. Tread on someone. Drink.

There, I hope that is an adequate off the cuff drinking game for Independence Day. Next time, a drinking game for Stargate.

Evan’s Royal Wedding Drinking Game

This is how we celebrate royal weddings in the US of A!

Are you watching the Royal Wedding tonight/early this morning? If so, why? What are you, some limey, tea sipping Brit who upholds a wasteful and undemocratic aristocracy of inbred halfwits? We fought a freaking war to not have to pay attention to this load.

To quote notable Brit Christopher Hitchens:

A hereditary monarch, observed Thomas Paine, is as absurd a proposition as a hereditary doctor or mathematician. But try pointing this out when everybody is seemingly moist with excitement about the cake plans and gown schemes of the constitutional absurdity’s designated mother-to-be.

So if you must watch this mockery of the ideals for which representative government stands, at least play the proper drinking game.

Rules to Evan’s Royal Wedding Drinking Game

1. Read the Declaration of Independence as loudly as you possibly can! Preferably near an open window or in a public square. Maybe out the side of your car while driving along a major thoroughfare.

2. Drink every time a word is capitalized for no reason. Example:

WHEN in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

By my count, that first sentence is 13 drinks.

3. Drink every time the phrasing sounds dirty. Example:

… for opposing with manly Firmness …

Or

He has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.

Each one of those would be a drink, in addition to the random capitalizations.

4. Chug your drink when you get to John Hancock.

5. Find something from Britain and then throw it in a body of water. We used to do it with tea, but that doesn’t come from the UK anymore. Maybe try some Dr. Who DVDs, a copy of Harry Potter, or a stuffed Paddington Bear.

See you in hell, you tyrannical Monarchist!

There, now don’t you feel Proud to be an American, where at least you know that if some uberwealthy aristocrat wanted to mock the poor with a display of sickening inherited opulence while also asking to be praised for it, you can watch E!/CNBC/C-SPAN.

Did you know that George Washington owned one of the largest Whiskey distilleries of his time?