I basically stole this from How About We.
If he’s a scoundrel and she’s a princess, and the sexual tension is becoming too much and you’re in outer space: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
If he’s a deputy chief of staff and she’s his secretary and it takes 7 years to get together: the entirety of The West Wing
If they’re lesbian dinosaurs: Jurassic Park
If he’s a dinosaur and she’s a dinosaur and they’re married and have dinosaur babies and also are muppets: Dinosaurs
If muppets: The Muppet Movie
If he’s an 8 year old Chinese boy and he’s a professor of archeology: Indiana Jones: Temple of Doom
If he’s going through pon farr and she is leading an expedition to the Genesis planet and we all know that was rape but let’s not talk about it: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
If he loves her but she insists they’ll have to be in love in secret: The Royal Tenenbaums.
If he’s just so self-obsessed and so is she despite being beautiful and oh my god we’re both just so miserable despite having otherwise first world lives: Just any Wes Anderson movie fuck you.
If she loves quiche and books and isn’t fat and he isn’t dating her: First three seasons of 30 Rock
If she loves quiche and books and is fat and he is dating her: Angel, probably. They both probably watch that together because they’re just cliched miserable fatties who have found happiness in each other’s nerd folds and just watch all of Joss Whedon until they die of diabetes.
If he’s Jewish and she wants to control every aspect of his life: The Hebrew Hammer, or whatever she wants.
If he is a whiney baby and she is softer than sand, m’lady: Star Wars prequels
If they both think they’re so freakin smart and the world can’t go on without them spreading their genes: Children of Men
If he is a Green Lantern and she is a Hawk Girl: Justice League
If he is a film producer and she is an aspiring model/actress: porn
If he is a teacher and she is a cheerleader with poor grades: porn
If she is a nubile teen and he likes to watch her via webcam: porn
If he is a high government official and she is 10 women of prime breeding age: Dr. Strangelove
If he is a phlegmatic everyman and she is Big Brother: 1984. I guess that’s a book.